Dear Men Who Are Jack-Hammering Just Outside My Window At 9:15AM...

I have been asleep for less than two hours. I am now officially wide awake, and cranky as a constipated bear. I have managed to sleep through the bustle of my morning-commuter-neighbors honking their horns, hurling curses at each other, and even the incessant barking of dogs. Your recent activity, however, has taken the cake I thought was a lie. I am awake. Please die.